It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize
