We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
