I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
