Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
