I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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