dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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