I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
