Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
