I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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