R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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