Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
