maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
