I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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