just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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