Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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