No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
