Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
