He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
