really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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