I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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