i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
