Barsexuality is the new black.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
