I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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