and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
