So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
