You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
