In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
