Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
