It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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