I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dignity is for republicans.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
