Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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