??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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