are you still at the devil's house?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
