Will you blow on my dice?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
