dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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