well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
