My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
