the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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