I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
