im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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