This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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