I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
