Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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