glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
my liver is dry heaving
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
