I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
