Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
