i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
