bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
how do flat chested girls get laid?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
