so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
