theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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