If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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