You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this boner is exhausting
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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