so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What drink are we having for lunch?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
His nipple licking is glorious
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