i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
