Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
