Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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