i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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