My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
