I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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