Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
